My hippie-happy mother March 24, 2008
Posted by Diadem in : Lessons in life , 4commentsWhen you hear me laughing aloud and talking about the latest fashion and shopping in flee markets, I am probably talking to my mother! 
We can talk about everything and anything under the sun. She can speak my “lingo,” share shoes, make up, and fancy jewelries. She tries to be as “kikay” as I am. There were times when it is annoying, but it is lovely most of the time. At least, even if she’s already in her 60’s, she still manages to relate with me and do things that I love to do.
When I talk to her, it is as if I am just talking to a friend. She would always ask if I have a boyfriend now or advice me how to get one. She’s cool. Her advices are often out-of-the blue, but it does strike straight in the heart. I remember her telling me one time: “Dem, mag-asawa ka na. Kapag 30 ka na, magpabuntis ka na. Mahirap tumandang mag-isa.” (Dem, get married. When you reach 30, get pregnant. It’s hard to get old when you are alone.) (more…)
Telling the Truth is Necessary March 5, 2008
Posted by Diadem in : Lessons in life , 3commentsOur intimate relationships are designed to help us get ahead in life. People, who are lucky enough fall in love, come out ahead in terms of their health, wealth, and emotional well-being.
Individuals in close relationships live longer, enjoy better health, obtain more resources, report being happier, and are more satisfied than individuals who fail to find a companion (see, Berkman and Syme, Sarason and Sarason). In order to obtain the benefits that intimate relationships provide, it is necessary for two people to know each other well. It is not possible to create beneficial outcomes in a relationship without some degree of intimacy (knowledge about each other).
Romantic partners need to be “experts” on each other (see, Cole and Teboul). To create rewards people need to understand their partners “inside and out.” People gain such knowledge about their partners by spending a lot of time with them, watching how they react in different situations, and by being honest with each other.
People disclose a lot to their spouses. Intimate partners tell each other who they are, what they like and dislike, their hopes and fears, their past experiences, and their future goals. Sharing such knowledge is critical because without it people would not be able to get ahead in life.
Our desire to have a husband or wife understand “who we are” and “where we are coming from” is driven by our emotions. We have a fundamental need to be understood, to have someone know us, get us, and understand us (see, Reis and Shaver). And, these feelings drive us to tell our intimate partners the truth. Our desire to be understood becomes even more intense as we get closer to each other. (more…)